Greetings from Kolkata!

Well, I guess it's my turn to write. We've had a pretty crazy experience so far, there's some things that just cannot be explained clearly enough with just words...especially my words. But here's a shot...
Cat, Katy and I arrived, finally, a little more than a week ago, I think...I've kind of lost track of time. It has been great reconnecting with the group and hearing of all the things that they have seen experienced in their time here so far. The group is down to five again as Holly, Sax and Cheeks left a few days ago. Meanwhile, we have begun to work at DayaDan and Kalighat. Mother Teresa's home are really popular and they always have volunteers, but there's not much organization, so we get there for the first time and don't have any idea what we're supposed to be doing. I've really struggled with the fact that I feel like I'm more in the way than actually doing any good. It's become so much clearer how selfish this trip was and we've had several discussions as a group as to why we're really here and what 'missions' trips are really about. The sisters at the houses definitely don't need our help; the kids we hang out with probably won't even remember that we were even there the next day, and the dying women we sit with- who knows if they even want us there watching them, stripped of all their dignity, and reduced to a state of being that seems miserable to me. So what are we doing here? I think we're still questioning- and will continue to question for some time. We are becoming more comfortable at the homes, however. I sat with a lady at Kalighat. She needed her diaper changed, so I watched one of the other volunteers do it, then we sat her up and I cleaned her hand because it was covered with her own waste....five minutes later I had to change her diaper again. So first of all, we're definitely seeing and doing things that we wouldn't normally do, but second, we're just really blown away by the fact that we can't really do anything. Yesterday when we got there, we sat down to wash some laundry and in the next room they were nailing up a coffin. I don't know if any of this is making any sense...I think there's just a lot of stuff going on in all of our heads right now. So when I say this trip was selfish, I feel like I'm the one being effected and changed...they don't NEED us here. We walk down the streets and kids and women come up to us and ask for money and food, and we've been told over and over not to give them anything because it won't help them become self-sufficient and they'll just keep begging. So we're torn between giving them a meal and damaging the overall outcome... It's so frustrating. There is so much crap in the world, and how can we as individuals even begin to make a difference?
I apologize that this is just a lot of rambling... Hope it gives some glimpse into what we're doing and questioning and struggling with. But it is just that, a glimpse...
more to come...
kelly