Ramblings

Hello all, it's House. I have avoided blog duty since I've been here, but it seems I cannot avoid it any longer. Part of the reason I haven't wanted to blog is because I feel like I should have something profound to share with all of you, some life-changing experience that will uplift all you faithful readers, or at least something new to tell you about our time here in Kolkata, but I just don't really feel like I have anything like that.
A lot of things have been troubling me lately. My mind has been filled with questions to things I thought I knew and I just feel like everything I though I knew is changing, but yesterday I got a few moments of clarity; like when one of your nostrils has been clogged up all day, and for just a few minutes you can breathe though both nostrils and it feels like the greatest thing ever, and then you go back to clogged again. I digress. Anyway, Kelly and I have been working at Kalighat, and it has been really tough. Two days ago I was holding a frail, tiny, dying woman in my arms while she cried. Due to a language barrier I do not know why she was crying, but from her eyes I saw pain and fear. I was so frustrated because I wanted to offer her words of encouragement; I wanted to tell her that it would be okay, that there was hope, that I knew what would happen when she died. But even if we did speak the same language, at this point, with all the things we've been experiencing and seeing, I just couldn't.
Yesterday she was in a little bit more lively and kept uttering the word, "talk" to me. She just wanted some words, even if she didn't understand them. I found myself telling her anything that came to my mind; I told her about a time my brother took care of a scraped knee I had gotten playing street hockey. I told her about my brothers recent wedding, about how much I love surfing with my dad, about the days in summer when as a kid we would play pickle until our moms called us in. I shared with her how I'm nursing one hell of a broken heart, and how I wish that it would just stop hurting. Then I found myself wondering why in the world I'm worried about my broken heart when this lady is dying right here in front of me.
After I left her yesterday, Kelly and I met up with Kolt to get some much needed exercise and kick around the soccer ball. This is when the clarity came for a few minutes. As I ran around in an open field with my friends, I felt my heart beat fast and hard, I felt the sweat drip off, and I felt alive. I realized that for this moment, I had what those women at Kalighat didn't have, and I cherished every second of it. I don't know any answers......I don't even know all the questions, but yesterday, with a crowd of men watching because they had probably never seen a white girl playing soccer, I felt alive and happy and glad to be here. So there it is.

Katy

P.S. Kolt, Kelly and Cat are all vomitters. I am the one with a nasty arm disease. Vic is the trooper, and Rhoman is MIA.

Hopefully this is somewhat worth while!

Well, to all those who continually check this blog, as frustrating and informative lacking as it has been, I wanted to say thank you for all of your support and thoughts. It has been a true blessing knowing that there are people out there thinking of us over here.

What to say. There has been a reason as to why I have not written in this blog since my first entry back in Nepal. I simply have no idea as to what to say to anyone. Those who have been on this trip with me can perhaps testify to this. Also, a blog to me is so much different than something like an email. In an email I know who is reading what I am writing. Yet, a blog, well anyone can read it. Another hard thing about this blog for myself is that I want to write something inspirational, something that touches and moves those who are reading it. Yet I have none of those things to offer. A common thought I believe about being overseas, especially in a place like Kolkata, is that one is to be having dramatic changing experiences, and therefore, many revelations to speak about. Yet, for me, this trip has been quite the opposite. I believe it has been a confirmation of what I have been struggling with for the past year.

As some of you know, I went to Nepal last summer to research the issue of sex trafficking. Through this experience my world was turned upside down, and all the beliefs that I once had, were either severely rocked or completely shattered. In going back to the states, in the process of finishing school, I had a passion to come back to this place, and bring others with me in order that they too may be exposed to just another reality of the world. Of course, this reality is just as much in America as in Kolkata, however, for us middle class white Americans, (except Rho of course, but he thinks his white anyway) the blatancy of the problems in Kolkata are shaking. In being here I have had to ask myself something. Why in the world did I want to come back? Why did I want to bring all these people with me and what is my hope in their worlds being turned upside down like mine? I have realized that my passion for this place has been highly influenced because it was a place that changed me, yet in being here, I have to ask whether I truly care about this place or its people. I have also seen, as obvious as this should have been before and how ridiculous I feel for not understanding this, is that everyone on this trip isn't me and will not react the same way as me to the conditions and state of this place. Yet regardless of that there are still issues here that force themselves on you and it is my hope to have others struggle with these issues.

Heather Busse asked me one day why it is that I want people to question their faith the way that I do. Well, i believe the most obvious is because of my pride, but other than that, I haven't been able to answer her, especially since my questioning, like so many others, has no answer. but i believe that if there is to be this true God, this Christian God, that he resides his these unanswerable questions, these hard questions and if there is this God, I believe that he desires for us to struggle with these issues so that we are pushed to do something about the state humanity is in and conditions in which people live in. My hope is that there is a God that desires community, and equality and wishes all oppressive powers to be removed. Am I making up this God, am I simply creating a God that sounds nice to me? Yes, but are we not all doing that, especially the ones who refuse to help their neighbors in order that they may continue to live their comfortable life. This is not to say that I am doing anything about this, because if there is one thing that I have realized again is that if I am to truly help anyone here, or back in the states, or anywhere, I am going to have to change the way I live entirely. Am I willing to do that?

Another reason why it is that I do not want to write is because I could write forever. Also, in order to capture not only all that I am thinking, but also the background as to why I am thinking the way I am thinking, it would take to long. So what am I to say.......... What is Christianity? What the crap is Christianity, or better yet, where is Christianity? Where is this God that Christians confess in? What about the little girls that we see in Sonagochi, who sell their bodies day in and day out simply to pay rent for a 5x5 foot room? What about all the people sleeping all over the streets here, or the beggars who continually ask you for the money that I have simply because I was born in America and not here? What about all the families and lives that have been displaced so that we Americans and western cultures can have the homes that we do, the cars that we drive, the cities that we walk in or the water that we drink? What about the affects that globalization has on the entire world but most particularly third world countries where there is no hope of escaping their debt to countries like America? What about the billions that have died throughout all of history and have never known Jesus Christ? What about the millions that die daily simply because they have no food? What about the father who died the other day of starvation because large companies buy out their land, displace them, and leave them with no place to go? What about all the individuals in developed countries who have most of the worlds money, in order that they may live "comfortably", while majority of the world lives in complete poverty? What about the man that I met from Papa New Guinea, where there are thousands of tribes that have not even seen a white person before and are completely unreached by the developing world and is one of the poorest countries in the world, who was completely shocked and taken back by the way in which people live here? What about the realization that because of the way that i live, whether ignorant or not, is an indirect cause to how billions live across the world? What about the realization that I have to change? What about the fact that none of the worlds major problems has anything to do with money? What about the fact that even if I dedicated my whole life to a cause such as the end of sex trafficking, that not only would sex trafficking continue, so would the rest of the worlds problem? What about the fact that Christianity has said that it is a religion of the poor and oppressed and yet, since Christ has left, the world is the same or in a worse state than it has ever been? And where is Christ? The exact question that the early church struggled with. What if you found out that the Bible isn't all that is thought to be in our 21st century, post enlightenment thought process? What about Hell, what about Heaven? Have we really contemplated the meaning behind those terms? Do I realize that despite all of these questions, one may simply say they have faith? Yeah I do. But the fact of the matter is that despite what conclusions you may come to in regards to these questions, if we want to say we believe in the Jesus of the Bible, regardless of what the Bible is or is not, that these issues have nothing to do with money, or our idea of what is a necessity for living conditions, it has to do with our hearts and what we truly care about. One of the biggest things that I struggle with is that Christianity condemns others to hell that do not confess in Jesus Christ as Lord. This is scriptural but again, who knows what the Bible is anyway, and secondly, even if the Bible is truly inspired, we can get anything we want out of the Bible. Yet whatever the Bible is doesn't matter to me right now, but one thing that I think is crucial to think about as a Christian, especially especially if we Believe the Bible to be the word of God, is the story of the sheep and the goats in Matthew 25. Many people have asked Gandhi if he is a Christian, he replies, "Ask the poor, they will tell you who are the true Christians."

I have no idea as to what to write except these questions. These are questions I have been asking myself for over a year now. Questions that have been asked for centuries now. Questions that will never be answered. But I write them in hope that it makes you think. Maybe these mean nothing to you, maybe you have already come to terms with them. Maybe you don't want to think about them at all. I have no idea. All I can do is answer them myself the best I can. If there is one thing that I do know though, it is that at least I am a humanitarian. Thank you for listening, praying and reading.

Kolt

Greetings from Kolkata!

Well, I guess it's my turn to write. We've had a pretty crazy experience so far, there's some things that just cannot be explained clearly enough with just words...especially my words. But here's a shot...
Cat, Katy and I arrived, finally, a little more than a week ago, I think...I've kind of lost track of time. It has been great reconnecting with the group and hearing of all the things that they have seen experienced in their time here so far. The group is down to five again as Holly, Sax and Cheeks left a few days ago. Meanwhile, we have begun to work at DayaDan and Kalighat. Mother Teresa's home are really popular and they always have volunteers, but there's not much organization, so we get there for the first time and don't have any idea what we're supposed to be doing. I've really struggled with the fact that I feel like I'm more in the way than actually doing any good. It's become so much clearer how selfish this trip was and we've had several discussions as a group as to why we're really here and what 'missions' trips are really about. The sisters at the houses definitely don't need our help; the kids we hang out with probably won't even remember that we were even there the next day, and the dying women we sit with- who knows if they even want us there watching them, stripped of all their dignity, and reduced to a state of being that seems miserable to me. So what are we doing here? I think we're still questioning- and will continue to question for some time. We are becoming more comfortable at the homes, however. I sat with a lady at Kalighat. She needed her diaper changed, so I watched one of the other volunteers do it, then we sat her up and I cleaned her hand because it was covered with her own waste....five minutes later I had to change her diaper again. So first of all, we're definitely seeing and doing things that we wouldn't normally do, but second, we're just really blown away by the fact that we can't really do anything. Yesterday when we got there, we sat down to wash some laundry and in the next room they were nailing up a coffin. I don't know if any of this is making any sense...I think there's just a lot of stuff going on in all of our heads right now. So when I say this trip was selfish, I feel like I'm the one being effected and changed...they don't NEED us here. We walk down the streets and kids and women come up to us and ask for money and food, and we've been told over and over not to give them anything because it won't help them become self-sufficient and they'll just keep begging. So we're torn between giving them a meal and damaging the overall outcome... It's so frustrating. There is so much crap in the world, and how can we as individuals even begin to make a difference?
I apologize that this is just a lot of rambling... Hope it gives some glimpse into what we're doing and questioning and struggling with. But it is just that, a glimpse...
more to come...
kelly

Sonagachi

Today Cheeks (Ryan) and I had the opportunity to walk through Sonagachi (which is the largest red light district in South Asia). We had a girl who travels there often take us through, and it is an experience I think we will both never forget. Girls packed the alleyways, some who looked as old as 60, and some who looked no older than 10. Men were everywhere and we were informed that these were all customers. Girls blew kisses at Cheek and growled while lightly tugging on his shirt, mind you these are girls who belong in junior high, not a brothel. Girls painted their faces with bright make up and a lot wore western clothes like jeans and tee shirts. We stuck out like a sore thumb being white people, and there was a sense from some men and older women that we were not welcome. It was an overwhelming experience; being surrounded by prostitutes and the men who enslave them. All I could think about was the fact that I could have been one of those girls, and as a woman it is excruciating to see how these women are treated. I am overcome with a sense of helplessness, and I fear that there is nothing I can do to stop the awful things these women are forced to submit to do. Where is the justice? I can't believe this is the world i live in, where a girl who should be in elementary school is forced to service men day in and day out. I feel disgusted with the men there. I am trying to fight the hatred that is growing for the men who feel as if they can treat women like this. Seeing that today changed my life forever, and I appreciate all that I am blessed with more now than ever. Everyone in the group says hello, we are off to have our last meal with Holly, Cheeks, and Saxony. They leave on a plane tonight, and they are going to be missed more than they could know. Thanks everyone for the support.

Love,
Cat Cristerna

And then there were five...

Okay, okay, we're sorry! It's been a while (two weeks, yikes!) since we've written- so for any devoted readers, please accept our apologies. Maybe it's because we're lamenting the loss of three of our wonderful members (while also looking forward to the three newbies). We've gone through some ups and downs in the past two weeks- sickness, heat, meaningless squabbles- but we're down to only five (Ryan, Kolt, Rhoman, Saxony, Holly) and we're missing our former pair of Whitney and Heather who left a week and a half ago, and Megan who just left yesterday.

Besides crying over our team's decreasing numbers we've been experiencing some new things, visiting the organization 'At the Well,' and 'Freeset Bags.' 'At the Well' works with street children and women from 'the line'- those employed in the brothels- and we had an opportunity last week to visit a service among the women and their children. Then, a few days ago we visited the Well again and sang songs, gave a message, and fed street kids. It's been interesting to see the variance of programs and approaches to reach these children- something I'm sure we've all formed our own opinions, but overall the experience has been good. We've been painting the first floor of a hospital that's owned by the Assemblies of God church by night- surprised by our relative skill. The mornings look different for most of us, but we're attempting to be more consistent in our activities, so encouragement, prayer, thought is much appreciated.

On to other things- cultural 'norms' in Kolkata are still difficult to adjust to- the courtesy policy we all learned about it being impolite to stare as children holds no significance here. While the staring and bodily proximity (men walk right up to us within a few feet and just stare while we converse) feels abrasive, it's mostly done out of curiosity. However, it takes patience to realize this and I constantly have to tell myself to relax when I look up to find seemingly all pairs of eyes on us girls as we walk, bus, or metro around town.

Last week we had a beautiful thunder storm that we all watched from our hotel rooftop- it was beautiful and thrilling to watch, but by morning we heard that 11 people had been killed from lightning alone- and the resulting rain left our street submerged in 2-3 feet of filthy brown water... When we can upload some photos we will- our breakfast trek across the street was an adventure, to say the least. Thinking of where all the people who sleep on the street (we counted 180 one night during a 10 min. walk home) is frightening... The culture is hard to get used to, doing the work we came to do is also difficult, and merely being here is diffucult- but it's all been worthwhile and we'll surely be learning from it all so if we neglect to write, rest assured we'll return with the 'in-betweens.'

Until then, we'll be sweating and serving- keep writing us!

Peace,
Holly

Missionaries of Charity 1st Day

This was my day, my first day on a journey among many…

At the Missionaries of Charity, I chose to work at Kalighat, the Home for the Destitute and the Dying… out of all of the homes, I was oddly drawn to this one, and not for any particular reason. I spent four hours there... Doing laundry, washing the dishes, cooking, spending time with the women and talking with other volunteers. The nuns were cold, some had smiles and warm hearts, but I can still see one of them yelling at one of the women to get up and somehow move her lifeless body to the other side of the room on her own. It was intense. The women lay in their beds, a select few have the strength to sit up. Faint moans coat the room, and frightened and helpless faces lie in each bed, portraying excruciating pain that haunts their every moment. There is no relief in their lives, pain shows no end… where is hope? I spent my time with them nervous. Nervous that my life wouldn’t and couldn’t somehow manage to touch theirs… however miniscule. Nervous that my young muscles would crush their frail old, dying hands. Scared that I was bringing more pain instead of comfort. and terrified that my way of showing love, was misinterpreted and somehow conditioned by my culture and just couldn’t make it past those cultural boundaries.

But I sat there on her bed, and held her hand as her eyes watered. All I could see was pain that taunted her frailness. She lie crippled. And all I could think to do was sing. If I sang to her, maybe somehow my voice could make her pain run away, to make her worries melt, maybe she could find peace, if I just sang. And so I did. I sat there and held her hand and sang to her softly, gazing into her eyes and wondering if I could ever manage to relieve her of her solitude with a song that might somehow transcend the silence. Even just for one second.

And then I moved on. I went from one woman to another massaging their frail arms and backs, adding some moisture to their dry and cracking skin. One lady sat with me and laughed as I moisturized her lanky arms spotted with soars, laughing as she thought up every word she could possibly think of that I might understand (in English) … looking for any real verbal communication, as I know no Hindi or Bengali. So she quietly and dazed sang to me her abc’s and 1,2,3’s, that quickly eradicated any and every awkward tension as they were accompanied with our light hearted laughs. And this was only the beginning of many daunting days.

It came time to make my way home through the streets of Kolkata. I briskly walked through the bustling market, and made my way far down the stairs into the busyness of the underground Indian Metro system, held on tightly as the cool air condition brushed my face… a melancholic kiss against the backdrop of the tainted humidity of the hot Indian sun.

And then there is the reality… My story is just one among many. And yet this is just our effort to do, what Mother Theresa calls, small acts … with great love.

Many Blessings, Love and Peace - Megan Sievert

randoms thoughts from Papa Cheek

Wow.... well my other members of this team have now overwhelmed me because they write such long detailed posts. Sorry readers.. i am not going to give you that. I would like to say maybe a couple quick things before i check you guys up on our trip because if you did not know it well were in India... and it is a furnace... My team is so amazing.. We are like a really close dis functional family. Everyone is really different with unique gifts to bring to our group.. Hahaha.... Saxony is the really mature little sister of the group and she brings so much life and goofiness and joy to us. Saxony works real hard and has a really cool way of loving people. she also is bomb at soccer....Saxony loves people and it shows.... thats a good thing..... Rhoman is the weird sweet uncle who has been their done that because he has been to India the last two summers and is of course Indian himself. Also when he laughs.. there is nothing better in the world. He is a joy to have around. He needs to be around so i do not die or get lost. Rhoman also is wise and mature beyond his years.... With his beard he looks 45 or 50... Hahaha...Then we have Megan.. She is one of the older sisters in the group. She is great. She now has a new boyfriend as of a couple days ago. Good stuff. She is a really kind heart and is really good in like every situation. She is one of the female world travelers in the group. Megan loves to shop for everyone she loves... o and she does... She has been a blessing on this trip for more reasons than one. I'll give you one. She is just a lover. Next we have Whitney.. She is the middle rebel sister for more good reasons than one... Kolt thinks she is the best dressed on the trip which she is. She takes more good photos than a small army. She loves to take naps while other people are talking.. Well only Kolt.... She has been a blessing because she has a sweet way of loving on kids and she is just really open to anything...Now we have Heather.... She is such a joy to be around because she somehow always talks about the coolest deep topics... And she is really smart and well read so i just feel like i learn alot from her.. its a really cool unique quality to have.. I would say she is the other older sister or a sweet crazy aunt. She always sings every song i sing after me and i really like that too..... Heather is a rad young woman..and a deep thinker.. Next we have Kolt... i really do not want to give him alot of credit but i guess he is the dad of the family... He set up this trip and his experiences are some of the main reasons why we are all here.... Plus he is just a guy that has a very cool mature personality like a dad.... Kolt is really smart and is someone anyone can learn alot from.....If you have the skill to get Kolt laughing or get him to be goofy.... again there is nothing better.... he is also really hairy.. Last but not least we have Holly.... She is a small woman that packs a punch... She has a really rare quality of just making me happy and getting them to smile.. She is i guess the mom for reasons that can not be disclosed.. Hahaha... She is super goofy and really caring and is really good with kids... There is this one picture of her with this kid and she is i think maybe too happy... anyways... she has been a blessing to have for sure.... All the girls on this trip are like world travelers and are awesome women of God..And Rhoman and Kolt are both amazing and wise and deep men of God.... They are super legit.... So our team is real good....It has been good.. We are in India now working on day 2. We just had our orientation for the Mother Houses and we are all set up and know where we will be working. We are all really excited to finally get working in India. India is alot different from Nepal...... Nepal was amazing.. but India is now upon us.... We are hopefully going to maybe get involved in a couple more things besides the Mother Houses..... but the houses will be our main service and are intense enough to be the only thing we do... guys i need to go... im sweating writing this so the A/C is calling me..... I am sure the others will write blogs and fill you all in soon

Peace to all
Please pray
Continually